18+ Jokes (okay, i noe im nt 18+ lolz...)

Two friends:

- Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?
- Of course! How many people are coming?
- Three, if you bring your girlfriend.


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Lucky Linda:

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter. She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. asing her what the matter was now, she replied "Your horse phoned."



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Biology Lesson in Class
> >
> > During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class:
> > "Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
> >
> > A student replied: "That's because guys have "balls" and that
> > weighs them down."
> >
> > Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller
> > than gals?"
> >
> > Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than
> > the guy's "balls"
> >
> > Teacher FAINTED




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There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog when he finds the frog he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.

He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks "frog, will you marry me?"
The frog says "no" And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, "Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it's still too big." So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: "Frog, will you marry me?"
Frog: "No, I won't marry you."

The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that's still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?"

Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!

GG-ed... Gone liao 3 'NO' = 15 inches gone = dick vanished!!!




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A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says to her husband, "For our anniversary this year, you can ask me one question, any question you want to. I will answer it truthfully."

The husband replies, "Okay, this has been bothering me for a long time, but I haven't had the courage to ask before...but I have noticed that all of our eight children look similar to one another except one. I can't figure out how he got to look so different. Did he have a different father than the rest?"

The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in the eyes. Slowly she replies, "yes. Yes he did have a different father." Her husband was taken aback. "Oh! Okay...I must know. Please tell me. Who was that child's father?" Again she cannot look her husband in the eyes. She is very distressed, and after a long silence she slowly said, "YOU."

>>poor the old man. out of 8 children and only one is his child...<<

Unlucky Employer.....

Story I

E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't
want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.


Story II

E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal
issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!


Story III

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is
dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.


Story IV

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: yes
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.


Story V

E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper" ! (Job
hoper lah!)


Story VI

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing
with money and you will seduce.


Story VII

E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to
employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect
your managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!